It has been far too long since I have written a post. I have been in a rut. I have been so happy and filled with joy in the circumstances of my life at this point in time that I have almost just lost my sense of wonder of the world around me and the works that God is doing in my life. This is wrong. This is sin. We as Christians should daily find a new reason to be in awe of this amazing God who created us. I was reminded of this truth recently as I heard a song by Amanda Cook from Bethel called Wonder. This was a live recording of spontaneous worship and is absolutely beautiful. Some of the lyrics include lines such as, “You are beautiful in all your ways,” “You fascinate me with Your love,” and “May we never lose our wonder. Wide eyed and mystified, may we be just like a child staring at the beauty of our King.” This song has touched me in ways that I cannot explain, and I am so grateful to live in a community that gives me these doses of reality so often.
Something that has become very known in my mind the past few days is how easy it is to fall away from the way you should be living when you go such a long time walking with God in the way that you should. I went through a period of time when I was confident every single day that the decisions I made in every area of my life were right and moral and exactly what God wanted from me. I was close with God and I felt like I did not just respect Him, but I was truly in love with him. It excited me to read His word every day and my times in prayer were my favorite conversations of the entire day that I had with anyone. Even if things were not going perfectly the way that I wanted them to in my personal life, I had faith that God knew what He was doing and that I didn’t need anything other than Him.
But things change after a while. I started to get complacent and bored. I stopped striving for more and I started to just stay where I was and try to coast through. But this is not how life works. It’s like a steep slope. You’re either working hard and climbing higher, or you’re letting go and tumbling down. My love for God did not change, but my faithfulness to Him did. I began to allow myself to do things and say things that I knew I shouldn’t have, and living like that made talking and spending time with God difficult. I started to put God on the side so that I didn’t have to feel conviction and wouldn’t have to change anything. It was wrong. It was stupid. How stupid are we as humans to think that we can do anything at all apart from God? We think that if we pretend He is not there and can’t see, then it will be so. It’s such a big lie that comes from the enemy and we allow ourselves to believe. It sickens me that I act like that. It disgusts me that every human on the face of this planet has given into that lie at one point or another. It’s heartbreaking.
It is also, however, so easy to see that God is never changing through all of our faults and failures. No matter how much I did wrong, He still chose to use me to spread His love in so many ways that I did not deserve to be a part of. He has given me the opportunity to do ministry with more than one group of people in a worship setting. He has given me the chance to write original music that glorifies Him and go on to record that music so that it can be distributed as He wills it to be. He has given me a summer job where I literally get to share the love of Christ and the message of His goodness and mercy every single day. He has allowed me to have a semester in Orlando, where I will by completely surrounded by people who are complete enemies of God, and to be able to serve them in a way that shows them the power of God and His ferocious love for them. I have new opportunities to show His grace every single day. How amazing is He that He would allow a vile sinner like me to do so much for Him?! I do not deserve this high honor and I am truly amazed by it.
God fills me with wonder, and I pray that I will continue to be fascinated by all that He is and all that He does and has done on a weekly, daily, and even hourly basis. I pray that I will not lose this spirit of joy that comes with walking in close fellowship with Him. I pray that He will continue to give me opportunities to show His glory and goodness. And I pray that through me people would come to call Him Father, Lord, Master, and Lover.